frightening but funny

it's wednesday morning, 6:30am and i'm on my morning jog through the city.  for the first time in months i forgot to wear my ipod so i'm enjoying the sounds of early autumn until i get into mile 4 and the home stretch of my run.  i notice a woman of small stature in the middle of the street walking towards me waving two sticks in the air as if she were conducting an orchestra.  now, i live in a city where sights like this are not uncommon, however in my neighborhood they are a little more so.  in any event, as i approach this woman i notice she's wearing ER scrubs, all the while going to town with her maestro baton until i get about 10 feet from her where she suddenly looks me straight in the eye, breaks her baton and throws the pieces at my feet.  this woman then proceeds to pepper me with several high pitched, body jolting yelps followed by a profanity laced tirade featuring some of our favorite four letter words most of which began with the 6th letter of the alphabet.  at this point i realize that those were likely not the ER scrubs i originally thought but rather more likely the threads issued at the local psychiatric institution.  upon this realization i stop at the top of the hill i was climbing and turn around.  with this woman still showering me with her poetic rants about 80 yards away i throw my arms up as if to say, "i'm confused...why are you doing this?"  she in turn responds by turning around herself, bending over and screaming, "suck my @$$ mother f---er!".  i turned and jogged off....my house will be on the market by spring.